The word “friend” is ambiguous; a friend can be described as just an acquaintance. Yet a confidant—a person with whom you have an intimate relationship and who gives the feeling that you can talk to them, share your secrets with them, and trust them without the fear of betrayal—has a much deeper meaning. We now apply this term to more people than previous generations due to the expansion of social networks and the Internet. Our circle of acquaintances has expanded exponentially beyond that of our predecessors, and as a result we have inevitably loosened the requirements we seek in our confidants. A confidant is a true friend, because a confidant is someone whom you can truly trust.

The Corpus of Contemporary American English counts the number of uses of a word in American publications, which currently dates back to 1990. The word ‘confidant’ has been used 575 times since 1990, while the word ‘friend’ has been used 72, 718 times. The comparison between these two word frequencies demonstrates that ‘confidant’ is used much less than friend, possibly because the word ‘friend’ is easier to apply to our daily relationships. We consider more people friends than confidants, since becoming a confidant takes a great deal of time and trust to develop.

The word ‘confidant’ or ‘confidante’ came into use in the 18th century and is derived from the verb ‘to confide.’ To confide means “to trust or have faith, to put or place trust, repose confidence,” and it first appears in 1455 in Sir Richard Holland’s Buke of the Houlate(Oxford English Dictionary. “confide” 1). Confide is a French verb derived from the Latin confidēre, which means “to have full trust or reliance“ (OED. “confide” Etymology). Before confidante, ‘confident’ was used for over a century, and this word meant “having strong belief, firm trust, or sure expectation” (OED. “confident” A.I.2.a.). This connotation of ‘confident’ appears in Shakespeare’s All’s Well that Ends Well in 1623 (OED. “confident” A.I.2.a.). The obsolete meaning of “confident” is “trustful; confiding”(OED. “confident” A.I.1.). The word ‘confident’ came to mean “A person trusted with private affairs, commonly with affairs of love” in Alexander Pope’s 1741 Mem. Martinus Scriblerus (OED. “confidant” A.a.). Later in 1751, the spelling changed to ‘confidant’ in Smollet’s Peregrine Pickle: “He…proffered his service…as agent, mediator, or confidant” (OED. “confidant” A.a.).

There are many qualities that can describe a friend, and moreover, a friendship. While some believe that saying hello to someone when they walk by constitutes a friendship, others consider a friendship to be a meaningful bond between two people.  A true friend, however, is a confidant. A true friendship is when each person can trust the other and confide in each other. Yet it takes time to transition from friend to confidant. Friendship often begins when a common interest with someone initiates a conversation. Through more conversations, a stronger connection develops over time, which could lead to a true friendship, or confiding in each other.

Friendship begins with a common interest. This common interest could be some automatic conversation starter, which makes both people feel more comfortable talking to each other from the beginning. An example of this was when I met my college teammates for the first time. We were different people from all over the nation—from big cities and cold weather. Yet we all had something in common—each and every one of us had a passion for tennis. My teammates and I were able to talk about our practice and training routines and how we couldn’t wait for the tennis season to begin. We could also discuss how different it would be to play in college as opposed to high school and how big of a change it was for each of us. We didn’t know what to expect of this new experience, and we shared our fears and concerns with each other. What would our new practices be like? What were the coaches’ expectations? How much of a time commitment would the team be? The common interest of tennis helped build a connection between me and my teammates and the start of new friendships.

Yet a friendship takes time to develop. Through repeated interaction with one another, people eventually find something to talk about. An example of this was on the first day of college when everyone was moving into the dorms. All of us walked in with our parents and I had never seen any of these kids before. None of us knew each other, so no one was talking. The only interaction between us was when we met our roommates for the first time. I introduced myself to as many people as possible and wanted to make new friends, but I couldn’t envision having a friendship with any of my new hall mates on the first day I met them. It took time to learn about one another and find similar interests. Since all of the freshmen were experiencing the same feelings and emotions of leaving home and being in a new place, all of us were open to meeting new people. We would ask each other to spend time together and go to meals with one another. This was the beginning of the current friendships I now have at school. The people in my dorm hall have become very close since we are always with each other. Over time, I have created a connection with these strangers since I see them multiple times each day and have found many different reasons to interact with them. We go to the gym and library with each other and spend a lot of time together. We go out to dinners for each other’s birthdays and always find new, exciting experiences to make our bonds even stronger. It takes time to develop a connection with new friends and constant interaction with one another can increase the bond that eventually leads to trusting them.

The main factor that transitions someone from a ‘friend’ to a ‘confidant’ is trust. By trusting someone else, one feels confident that the other person will be able to keep their stories a secret and trust them to be understanding. A bond is created between one another, providing a strong connection that can’t be broken. We do not call everyone a ‘confidant,’ and it takes a close relationship in order to be established. In the recent Batman trilogy, Alfred has the responsibility of being Bruce Wayne’s butler. Bruce Wayne is a wealthy man who lives a mysterious double life. He entrusts all of his personal information and secrets to his butler. While the two are not related, Alfred serves multiple roles in Bruce’s life. It is the friendship they have and the secrets they share that struck me the most in the movies. Bruce Wayne confides in Alfred with his secret identity and his romances. For this reason, I see Alfred as Bruce’s confidant. Confidants keep those secrets that not everyone gets to know. You are able to show your true self around your confidant and not keep anything from them.  Alfred will always tell Bruce what’s best even if he knows he doesn’t want to hear it, because Alfred has his best interest at heart. A true friendship relies on trusting and confiding in another person, knowing that they will never reveal your deepest secrets.

Friendship relies on a common interest, time to develop, and trust. Having a common interest is a key factor to a friendship because it gives two people something to discuss from the beginning. It makes both people open to talking when there is something to talk about. A common interest calms the nerves involved in starting up a conversation. In addition, it takes time to build a friendship with someone, through repeated interactions and time spent together. Whether it’s through new experiences or personal interactions, the more time you spend with someone, the closer the two of you will feel. Furthermore, with trust, you feel comfortable around them and your connection will grow. They can be trusted with your secrets, so you share more and confide in them. Friendships are a vital component to our existence. It allows us to witness people and their many unique traits and forces us to decide whom we’d like to enter our lives. While the friendship isn’t obligated to survive a certain amount of time, a flourishing friendship provides us with a spark and excitement to get us through our daily activities. A true friend and confidant adds a special feeling to one’s life knowing that you will always have someone to count on no matter what the situation may be.