My effort to search for the most apt synonym for the word “friend” led me to do a lot of introspection and I stand by my choice of “confidant” as I feel it best represents the qualities I attribute this profound relationship to.

As was to Wordsworth, to me my confidant would be “My friend philosopher and guide.” A confidant would be like “Nature (who) never did betray a heart that loved her.” Like Wordsworth felt that Nature was the best healer, the best comforter who could soothe all worries, hone rough edges and offer insights, only a good friend can provide his “Dear, dear friend” with comfort when he is “low” and celebrate with him when he is in” high spirits” (“Wordsworth”).

Just what one longs for from a friend and confidant. If I too were to wax poetic I would say:

“What is this life so full of care” (“Leisure”)
If you have no friend to share
Your feelings, fears and frailties with
And feel unburdened forthwith!
To share your lows, highs your aspirations
And look up to for motivations.

A confidant is basically a person who, besides being many other things, is certainly a person who is trustworthy, faithful, loyal, essentially a friend who is imbued with the gift of sensibility, sensitivity, compassion, integrity, infallibility with whom you share your deepest secrets. (OED “confidant” B.; “confide” 4, a.). A tall order for sure, but the thought of a confidant conjures up an image of a soft, comfortable shoulder wherein to unburden all pent up emotions and being simultaneously prepared for compassionate counsel or a sound dressing down. One might expect a diary to take on the role of a confidant. When I was little, I was most fascinated by a pretty little pink, flowered diary with a quaint little key. I used to write in my diary every night addressing it as “My bestest friend.” As I became older, it changed to making videos on my computer using photo booth, sharing my thoughts. But the downside in confiding in and in making videos is that there is no feedback. They are inanimate objects that just listen without the corresponding lively responses of friends. If we have a confidant, we have a listening ear that responds too! And, is a source of empathy. We now proceed to confide, safe and warm in the assumption that friendship is a “give and take” relationship since, when we look forth to so much care, consideration and criticism, we too need to be mutually empathetic and compassionately responsive.

This makes me go down memory lane, reminiscing with nostalgia the lovely innocent bonds I shared with my earliest school buddies beginning from grade three. Rhea, my namesake, Aniha, Guroor, Sana, Devika. We all in our innocence, were too young, blissfully ignorant of the profundity of the bonds we shared. But they were the “Wonder Years” – filled with wonder at the pace things were moving and wondering what the future held for us. We stuck together through thick and thin and there never was a snitch among us. It’s no wonder we’ re still a group and stay in touch. Our minds abrim with dizzy dreams, we cherished the after-school trips to the malls, window-shopping till our legs protested! Imagining ourselves as ” Seventeen” models, inspired by all the designer boutiques invading the elite Delhi malls. Just too much stimuli for us callow “just teens”. AND, of course guarding each others secrets with our lives- early crushes, class scolding’s , stay backs et al, and never a squeal out of even the most faint-hearted amongst us to our mothers, who too had become good acquaintances by now. Our loyalty was unblemished, “all for one, one for all” was our motto – nurtured on Children’s classics, then Enid Blyton’s Famous Five, Secret Seven, and St Clare’ series, Nancy Drew and late teens Mills and Boone and Georgette Hyer Charlotte Bronte and other romantic writers. Without really being aware of the depth of our friendship I can now perceive it as a sterling example of a truly mutual give and take relationship.

To be a truly strong friendship, it has to be essentially two-way. So we grow emotionally and spiritually when we foster a friendship that is co-joined with the synonym confidant. We must be open to remonstration and candid feedback too, feeling towards our friends as we feel towards ourselves. In fact we should stand ready to do more for our friends than for ourselves. We can’t just take; we need to give as well! So what if it’s criticism, we need the opinions of our friends and they have the prerogative to express earnest opposition or censure. Opening up to our friends clears our conscience and the air and helps us unburden ourselves and our endeavor must ever be to reciprocate when the occasion demands.

I’m making a confession now. I’m hooked on to the TV show Grey’s Anatomy and it somewhat pushed me towards electing confidant as a twin for friend. Grey’s Anatomy is basically a show, about the lives of a group of surgeons working at Seattle Grace Hospital. The show is about the protagonist Meredith and her life as a resident at the hospital. It shows her relationship with her neurosurgeon husband, Derek Shepherd and her best friend Christina Yang. What I adore about the show is the chemistry between Meredith and Christina. Being doctors they face life and death situations all the time. They do the maddest things, which make you shudder at the thought of ever having to be under the knife! They talk to each other as if they’re enemies but in actuality they can die for each other! It’ the camaraderie they share that gets to the audience. They never would divulge each others secrets even on pain death, they mean well and can go to any length to help each other not only to get back on track but even risking their lives to save a friend from almost certain death at the hands of a mentally sick man wielding a gun, while apparently being, if I may say, bitches to each other!

Speaking about her husband to Christina, Meredith says, ” He’s the love of my life but you’re my soul mate, My Person”. When Meredith is down in the dumps and just gives up on everything the only Person she can open up to is Christina. She wails, “I need to go on. I need to hope ” the response from Christina is no mushy comforting but a much needed cold compress “So pick your a– and get out of bed” Works like magic! (Rhimes). THAT’S the kind of PERSON who is a friend/confidant I’m talking about and that’s how my perspective on friendship has evolved and I truly owe it to this assignment, which has afforded the opportunity for a matured introspection on the subject of friendship.

Tracing the choice of the word confidant, I would go on to say that in earliest childhood our confidant is our mother. She is the person who wins our unquestioned and implicit trust and is really our very best friend. As we grow older, this role, in all probability, would shift to a sibling and subsequently, in adolescence, be replaced by a favorite in our peer group.

My reason for choosing the word confidant as being synonymous to friend is that it adds as special dimension, significance and quality to the meaning of friendship. From just being a relationship of two or more people sharing a mutually warm relationship it becomes almost sublime as it shifts from the merely social and emotional to the spiritual .You are no longer buddies but are now entrusted with the responsibility of guarding each others secrets, no matter what, and have also to be prepared for candid feedback and remonstrance when you are found deviating from the correct path. The assessment of any confidence shared will be more accurate and meaningful because of it’s being more objective than your own subjective viewpoint and, consequently, more beneficial. More like the homespun truthfulness between Meredith and Yang. That’s, of course, not saying that you consciously go about choosing friends to gain these benefits but that they are the natural outcomes of a true friendship. My friendship with my peers Rhea and Aniha in India was heading in just this direction when we had to join different colleges for undergrad studies.

While dwelling on this subject with my mother on my recent trip to India I realized just how fortunate the present day Indian girls are! Ours is primarily a patriarchal society, especially the northern regions extending southwards to many states. Earlier any sting friendships between feminine peers were largely dependent on attitudes and sanctions and approvals of and by the males of the family. First fathers and older brothers and subsequently, husbands. Most bindings were restricted within the confines of the extended family and, post-marriage, chosen from among like-minded in-laws. Sleepovers were unheard of and day-spends were coveted bonuses. Relationships were ever subject to scrutiny and friendships blossomed only within the family. Best opportunities for friendship were at boarding schools I presume. Two decades ago rarely were girls sent abroad for studies though this is no longer the case. Many of my school peers are now pursuing studies in colleges overseas far away from home and it would be impossible to maintain a state of emotional well-being if we did not develop strong friendships and foster people with whom to share our joys, and fears with and who would gradually evolve into our well-wishers and critics, in other words our confidants.

I do share somewhat this kind of friendship with my buddies Rhea and Aniha but unfortunately they could not accompany me for studies overseas. I do maintain touch with them regularly but distance, though promising to make the heart grow fonder IS a despondent factor! I Iong to be blessed enough to develop a strong bonding with one of my peers here. I do have my apprehensions BUT “Hope springs eternal in the human breast” (Alexander Pope) and I look forward to the day when (very soon I hope) I will be rewarded with the gift of a true friend in my new environs, who will be stoical enough to bear up with my idiosyncrasies.

Works Cited

Alexander Pope. “An Essay On Man”. 1732-3.
Confidant, B., adv.” OED Online. March 2013. Oxford University Press. 26 April
2013. Web.
Confide, 4, a. trans.” OED Online. March 2013. Oxford University Press. 26
April 2013. Web.
Rhimes, Shonda, prod. Grey’s Anatomy. American Broadcasting Company. Los
Angeles, California, 25 Mar. 2005. Television.
William Henry Davies. “Leisure”. 1911.
William Wordsworth. “Lines Composed a few miles above Tintern Abbey”