In this essay, I will analyze the word affection and describe what it means to me. Like C. S. Lewis, I believe that affection, though commonly associated with romantic love, exists strongly among friends. Although seemingly simple, many people do not fully understand what affection is or how to show it. In fact, the people who understand affection the best are toddlers. For this reason, they are the masters of affection. Toddlers understand that affection can be felt for anyone, outwardly expressed, and mixed into other loves. They also understand that life would not be enjoyable without it. For these reasons, they show affection to almost everyone they know, whether they have just met a person or have known him for all of their lives. I believe that by taking a “toddler view” when showing affection to others, we can fully understand what this term means and how it plays an important part in developing lifelong friendships.
Affection was derived from the Latin word affectionem meaning “a relation, a frame, constitution meaning state of feeling, emotion, and passion” (Etymology Dictionary “affection”). Affection is a type of love anyone can obtain. It is humble and “takes in all sorts of objects” (Lewis 32). Affection can be felt for males, females, family members, friends, animals, inanimate objects and anything else that one wants to demonstrate care for. It is unrestricted to just one or two things and contains no hint of apathy. Instead, this sentiment is inviting, loving, caring, helpful, and blind to imperfections. The only thing that affection requires is familiarity. With familiarity being the only requirement, the simplicity of expressing affection can clearly be seen.
Although Lewis states that affection is not expressed, and that it “…would not be affection if it was loudly and frequently expressed,” I disagree (Lewis 33). Affection is not always talked about, but when it is, one person enjoys speaking about it, and the other enjoys receiving it. A simple statement such as “you are my bestest friend in the whole wide world,” or “I do not want to play in the sandbox with anyone but my best friend,” said by one toddler to another can make the two toddlers best friends for a lifetime. This outright confession of affection is important for many loves, including friendship, making each person aware of how strongly the other feels for them. Instead of harming a relationship, verbalization of affection “… opens our eyes to goodness we could not have seen, or should not have appreciated without it” (Lewis 37). By telling a friend you feel affection for him, you are showing how much you love and appreciate him. This lets him know you care and that even if everything is going wrong for that friend, you will always be there because of the relationship the two of you share.
Lewis states that affection can be incorporated into other loves, making them even more vibrant than they were alone (Lewis 34). Affection adds an extra, unique flavor to a love that was bland and boring without it. It changes a simple statement such as “Yes, I can” into a hilarious statement that results in hours upon hours of laughter between a group of friends. With this in mind, one can easily see that affection can be incorporated into the love of friendship, creating affection between friends. Although the Oxford English Dictionary defines affection of friendship as “a favorable or kindly disposition towards a person, or thing, fondness, tenderness; good will and warmth of attachment,” it is so much more than that (OED “affection” 2.a.). Affection causes you to be drawn to your friends. If you are in a bad situation, or you just want someone to talk to, it causes you to call or send a message to your friend just to talk. This fondness is what holds friends together as they grow older. Although hard to pinpoint the name of the sentiment you may be experiencing as a child, as one gets older they start to realize that these emotions are caused by affection. With this sense of attachment, you feel like you want to do everything with your friend. If you are going to the movies, the first person you ask to go with you is your friend. If you are about to talk to a cute boy, you ask your friend to come with you. If you just want to sit outside and swing on the swing set, you want to invite your friend to join. These actions are caused by the bonds that affection creates and produces a warmth of attachment between friends that can withstand any challenge.
Affection between friends is a feeling many people never want to live without and something “…everyone ought to think about” (Cicero 177). No one should be affection-less at any point of their lifetime. Everyone should have the opportunity to feel affection for others and have affection felt for them. This type of affection causes hours spent with a friend to feel like seconds because when with them, you are happier than you are by yourself or even with a family member. SpongeBob Squarepants describes this type of affection with the word fun. He tells his friend Sheldon Plankton that “F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me. N is for anywhere and anytime at all, down here in the deep blue sea.” 1,000 miles away or right next door, friends are always there for you. No matter what, they are available to talk or hang out. Friends catch you when you trip or stumble and set you back on the right path, encourage you, laugh with you, play with you, and even scold you when necessary. These people love you for who you are, offering a shoulder to cry on, a knee to stand on, a table to eat on, a bed to sleep on, and anything else you may need. This type of affection is priceless and makes life worth living. Cicero agrees and states, “Nothing else in the whole world is so completely in harmony with nature and nothing so utterly right…” (Cicero 185). Feeling affection can encourage a friend on their death bed to live and fight the cancer that they have, keep two friends connected forever, and even bring two childhood friends back together. These qualities make affection harmonious and cause moments with friends to be the most natural and enjoyable moments of all.
Lewis states that “affection has different appearances” (Lewis 43). It can be felt for anyone (or anything) you want it to be felt for, especially a friend. Affection is necessary and everyone should give and receive this at some point in their lives. As children, we are the masters of affection, but as we get older, our understanding of affection seems to diminish. Although we may tell our baby siblings to say things such as “bye” or “I love you” to our friends, we do not do this ourselves. This is a key example of how children show affection, but most adults do not. Since it is important for us to show this feeling, we must learn from our younger members of society, and follow their example. “Count on Me”, by Bruno Mars, teaches us how to show affection and can be used to describe the affection that should be shown by people of all ages. He states “You can count on me like on me like one, two, three, I’ll be there…And I know when I need it, I can count on you like four, three, two, you’ll be there…You’ll always have my shoulder when you cry…I’ll never let go, never say goodbye…You can count on me, cuz I can count on you” (Mars 2010). These lyrics show how friends should feel about each other and lets us know that affection can amplify any type of love, including friendship. This unique quality makes affection worth studying and bridges the gap between past and present generations. Like Mars, Lewis believes, “Affection…can enter into the other loves and colour them all through and become the very medium in which from day to day they operate. They would not perhaps wear very well without it” (Lewis 34). With the addition of affection, friendship becomes the love it is today and the love that no one, even adults, should ever be deprived of.
Works Cited
“Affection” OED Third Edition, March 2008. OED online. Oxford University Press. 2012. Web. 2 May 2013.
“Affection” Online Etymology Dictionary. Douglas Harper, Historian. 2011. Web. 19 Apr. 2013.
Bruno Mars’ “Count on Me”. Doo-Wops & Hooligans. 2010. CD.
Cicero, Marcus Tullius. On the Good Life. London: Penguin Books, 1971.
Lewis, C.S. The Four Loves. New York: Harcourt Inc, 1960.
Annotated Bibliography
One thing I am interested in is friendship between a group of three or more friends. Although I did not realize it before this project, many of the texts that I grew up with and came to love had characters with more than one best friend. I find this interesting because growing up, I always had two best friends at a time. Whenever someone asked me what my best friends’ name was, I would ask them which one. For these reasons, I am going to contribute this topic to the Classroom Cannon. Although Cicero stated that it is impossible to have many friends, I disagree. There are many texts that show characters having many friends. These texts show that having more than one friend is completely normal and that it makes many people happy.
Rowling, J. K. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. New York: Scholastic, 2003. Print.
Harry Potter books show a great deal of friendship. From the first book, Harry is introduced as a person who can bring people of opposing characteristics together. As the series continues, Harry Potter becomes friends with more and more characters. These friendships are crucial in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoneix. This is the 5th book in the 7 book series and it shows Harry’s friendships at their best. Harry’s friends risk their lives to help him complete an extremely dangerous task. If that is not true friendship, I do not know what is.
Mulan. Dir. Barry Cook and Tony Bancroft. Perf. Ming- Na Wen, Eddie Murphy, Harvey Fierstein, Jerry Tondo, Gedde Watanabe. Walt Disney Studies, 1998. VHS.
The movie Mulan also presents the idea that having multiple friends is acceptable and that it makes more people happy. In the beginning of the movie, Mulan only has two friends: Mushu and Cri-kee. As the movie progresses, she meets and becomes good friends with Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po. These friends help Mulan earn her families honor. They support her, trust her, and even dress up as women to help her complete her task. With the help of all of her friends, Mulan succeeds in her goals that she could not have accomplished without her friends. I like this movie because it shows viewers that friends are a necessary part of life and that friends should always help each other. Seeing this as a child inspired me to be the friendliest friend that I could be.
High School Musical. Dir. Kenny Ortega. Perf. Zach Ephron, Ashley Tisdale, Vanessa Hudgens, Corbin Blue, Lucas Grab eel. Walt Disney Studios, 2006. DVD.
High School Musical is yet another movie that shows that having multiple friends is a good thing. This movie also shows that people can find friends outside of the “status quo”. Growing up watching this movie, I saw that no matter what group I was classified in, I could find friends from a different group if I wanted to. I found this very encouraging. High School Musical inspired me to stretch outside of my comfort zone to find friends. It also taught me that there is no such thing as “too many friends”.
